Bullying is not just for schools.  Remember that boss who abusey just because he could and you needed that job?

We had this story on our children’s and YA librarians listsrv this week.  Our theme is books for kids who are bullied, and if they do any good, other than letting them know they are not alone.

His story could be mine, though.  When I was in third grade my dad transferred to Illinois, and from then until 6th grade, when I entered into a new Middle School, I was beat up at least twice a week after getting off the bus. 

Nothing helped: talking to teachers, the principal, the bus driver, the police, nothing.  I don’t know if my parents ever considered a lawsuit, though, but even so, this was not the way back then (I’m 48 now, so this was quite some time ago).  My dad wanted me to fight back, and once or twice I tried, and had the bully AND his friends beat me up.  It was less painful with just one.  Plus, I was never a good fighter anyway.  Even then I didn’t believe fighting solved anything.

Even with a new school, the only thing that really worked was my dad getting a transfer to Florida, and a fresh start in 8th grade.

Most parents of bullies I’ve encountered then (with my own children) and now spout some stupid cliché like “Oh, well, boys will be boys! Ha ha!” or “that’s normal, that’s how kids learn to survive in the REAL world”.  so we practice avoidance when possible.

I hope the parents win their case, and the courts subpoena the cell phone camera records as evidence, but I don’t think the bullies will change their behavior.  They will come after Billy later and really get him for making them go to court.

Jim Elliott <><

That’s “abused you”

Yeah, I figured.

One thing to tie in with your message, kids who bully do turn into adults who bully.  If nothing else, they become spouse abusers (or verbally abusive bosses).

Jim,
I can relate.  I was bullied every day in Jr. High and until I was a freshman (and had moved to a new school).  Kids would spit on me (or spit into their hands and throw it on me), dump my books, put twisted rubber bands in my hair (tangling it until I had to cut my hair to get the rubber band out) and other “boys will be boys stuff.”

While I do not believe in revenge, I sometimes wish that the administrators and teachers in schools knew what it felt like to be picked on and bullied like that.  Usually, I was the one who got in trouble if I ever responded or lashed out.  It was normally their (2-3+) word against mine and since I was frequently on the bullied side, I was rather well known as a trouble maker by some administrators.

Attendng 3 different High Schools (Kansas, California, and San Antonio, TX) probably saved my sanity. 

YBIC,
Phil Snyder

But sadly, those who are bullied are ALSO at risk to become bullies. 
This is just such a glaring example of the evil that does exist in the world.  How can people really believe that evil does not exist?  We know that Satan is laughing with glee at these examples of his power in the world. 
It is a change of heart that bullies need.  And those who are bullied, like this young man, need to be protected and assured of God’s love for them in the midst of the mess.

I was pushed around by such a bully when I was in junior high school, until I reached the point where I refused to take it any more.  I lashed out, broke the kid’s nose, split his lip, and was suspended for a week.  The other kid?  He was expelled.  I was never bothered again by any bully, once the word got around school.  Should I have done it?  Or should I have continued to let myself be used as a punching bag?

School buses are a horror ride. Few parents know how bad they are for bullying. Schools need lawsuits. They are structure to respond to nothing else. This poor kid needs rescue. I wept.

My child would not spend one more moment at that school and a multi million dollar lawsuit would be filed.  Why these parents continue to let their son be exposed to this horror is beyond me.  I am not blaming them, but after all this non response from the school they have to take steps to protect their son.  At this point that means withdrawing him from school.  Also nothing makes a school sit up and take notice like a threat to their pocketbooks.  Time for talking is long past.

What kind of learning can happen in this kind of environment?  As a bullied kid myself, I have stood up for my kids by carefully choosing their school environment, and if there wasn’t a safe one of those around, I homeschooled them.  Well, that worked for my older boy, but my eight-year old and homeschooling don’t get along.  This is still an experiment.  School teachers and administrators that allow this sort of thing should be - OK, revenge isn’t mine, but this makes me wish it could be!  Kids do not learn in an unsafe situation, they don’t even survive very well.  This story made me cry, too.

It just makes my heart ache. I remember the junior high school bus, and what a nightmare it was, because of one bully from my neighborhood. Everyday he would humiliate and punch some poor kid. I kept thinking that one day, he’d come after me, and I dreaded getting on the bus for months. One day, he did. He demanded that I give up my bus seat, which was always the prelude to a punching, and I just told him no, and sat staring straight ahead. For some reason, he simply turned away and left me alone…maybe because I was a pretty big kid, and played on the football team…but I still remember it vividly after forty years. Later, I saw him interacting with his father, and his father was abusing him for no good reason, hitting him upside the head. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Stories like this are a struggle for me, because they make me so terribly angry that I really, really want to find some of these kids and hit them until they know what it’s like.  And that is not a Christian response.

I was lucky; I was rarely bullied physically when I was a kid.  I got verbally picked on often enough, and that hurt too—“sticks and stones” or not—but for whatever reason the bullies hardly ever picked me for beating up.  But it still pushes my buttons like few other things do.

And then I read about, for instance. C. S. Lewis’ public school days—at a place where the authorities not only tolerated bullying but institutionalized it—and I think that I would have snapped within a month of going to a place like that.

The Kingdom can come and put a stop to this any time, if you ask me.

I remember my freshman year in college. A friend and I were cheerfully musing on the fact that the bullies hadn’t made it to college with us. Life was good.

My current work environment tends to management-by-bullying. Like someone above, I need the job. I’m close to vesting in the retirement plan, and so on.  So if they try to bully me, I will fight back.  Not with fists, of course, but if a lawsuit is needed, I can go that direction.

I was bullied up until 8th grade.  (Then my distance running success gained respect.)  It wasn’t nearly as bad as what Billy Wolfe has experienced, but it has affected my life.  There is no question about that.

If I ever have a bullied child that a school is doing nothing to defend, I swear I will become that school district’s worse nightmare.

Words,
unfortunately, the bullies did make it to college with my daughter—in fact, they ran the Alpha Delta Pi sorority chapter to which my daughter pledged.  It was very difficult for her to ‘quit’ the sorority, evidentally that is just not done!

Some of these bullies have made it to 815.

When I look back at my childhood, I am surprised that I did not get bullied more than the modest amount that befell me.  I was quiet, bookish, and shy, but I think I fell just on the other side of the edge of having an edge, and that protected me.  Other kids were puzzled by me, but they seldom laughed unless I wanted them to.

I grew up in rural Maine, where for a long time people were not as vicious as they might have been, given their natures.  I might well have been bullied elsewhere, where there were fewer social restraints on original sin.

Poster 6 is absolutely right.  Satan laughs when another person is hurt and humiliated with hands or with words.  The bully’s pleasure is his pleasure.

We usually think of bullying in physical or emotional terms, but twice in my life, I have been called an intellectual bully with exactly that phrase.  I have stopped to think about that more than once, and I hope all of you will, too.

Where are the adults?  What an outrageous wickedness this is.  If the adults in charge will not protect this child, then the parents of the child must protect him.  That is what they are there for.

Is there any way to ask the police to get involved?  File charges for assault?

Unfortunately bullying isn’t limited to public schools, as I found out the hard way in Palm Beach.

The nonchalant attitude of many school officials towards this always amazes me.  But being on the receiving end of this kind of thing does teach a person that one cannot rely on the “governing authority” for all protection.

LJim - sorry to hear that. Maybe that’s why I stayed independent; sort of primeval survival instinct. I think a certain fraternity probably did have a few bullies, but they stayed to themselves. It was, of course, a small college (850 or less) and there wasn’t much room for acting out of any kind.

Our daughter was bullied in 7th grade by girls who she had known since kindergarden, and who just turned on her.  We wanted to take her out of the school since nothing was done by the school but Molly wanted to stay and pray for them, and try to work through it with her ‘friends’.  That didn’t work and the three of us agreed it was overtime to move to another school.  It was a great move and changed her life, and she grew in maturity through her attempts to work through the bullying (although our hearts bled for her) and four years later, back in high school with these bullies, is now a strong, highly respected Junior.

I have to agree with my buddy Cennydd.  If this kid would just deck one bully, things would improve.  I think the kid needs some martial arts classes.  As the motto of a famous Karate School says “Nobody bothers me!!”  (Jhoon Rhee Korean Karate-Northern Virginia Area).

As a former teacher, I wish I could say, work through the “proper authorities” but most administrators just want “peace” rather than “justice.”

Also, I wonder if the parents have considered homeschooling.

I am surprised that no one else reported an experience like mine.  After some problems with being bullied, my father enrolled me in judo class.  We learned self-defense, and also were taught to always avoid a fight if at all possible.  Walking away was always the preferred alternative.  But, if cornered with no way out, we knew we could defend ourselves and were confident of our skills.  It only took one time in junior high for me to end being bullied.  I was cornered, could not get away, and thereupon had the bully on his back in a choke hold within about one second.  I didn’t really hurt him much, but I surprised the heck out of him and everybody else standing around waiting for me to get pummeled.

Did I get in trouble?  Yes.  Was I bullied again? No.

“Where are the adults?”—-Sarah [#18]

Evidently not in charge of the Fayetteville schools. It sound like school officials’ feckless, blame-the-victim approach has enabled and perpetuated the bullying.
_ _ _ _ _

“Is there any way to ask the police to get involved?”

Billy’s parents can ask police and prosecutors to investigate. Publicity like this article will probably help motivate the authorities to take the bullying more seriously. 
_ _ _ _ _

Billy’s parents should simultaneously consider suing the school district and the relevant school officials. Most state constitutions recognize a right to free public elementary and secondary education. If after all Billy has undergone thus far, school officials won’t provide him with a safe learning environment, then it would be more than just for a court to order the school district to pay private school tuition.

The school district should also consider reassigning the relevant school officials to diaper duty.

BTW, I was bullied from 4th through 8th grades. I hate bullying and abuse of power. Anyone with authority over bullies commits a grievous wrong by condoning their bullying.

Quickest way to get the attention of the recalcitrant is via the pocketbook - I hope the families of the bullies AND the school district really get taken to the cleaners in court. I guarantee you the school district will see to it no one ever lays a finger on that boy again.

One of my classmates, whom I’ll call Allan, got bullied so severely that it may well have marked him for life. In fourth grade, for example, the alpha bully took Allan’s head and slammed it hard against a brick wall. My mother witnessed the episode and reported it to school officials, who did nothing.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Readers of “The Silver Chair” may recall the bullies of Experiment House and how the Head abetted their bullying.

I was bullied no matter what school I attended (I was never good at socializing with other kids and kind of set myself up for being bullied).  However, when I moved to TX and the bullying started again, one young lady ended up getting herself expelled and sent to alternative school for attacking me on a school bus.  I think part of it had to do with the fact that although I was fairly new to town, my grandmother’s late husband was a respected county deputy and therefore the police department really liked my family.

It’s who you know.

I don’t know when but somewhere along the line it seemed to me administrators and teachers lost their nerve and will to discipline.  I still vividly remember walking down the hall in the 6th grade and having my books pushed out from under my are and scattered all over the hall for goodness knows how many times.  A teacher was standing in the hall and did nothing.  It was then I realized that “I was on my own.”.  Authority figures had no authority. 

As for the bus, that’s a gimme…although I do love the opening scene of “Sixteen Candles” when Molly Ringwald and her friend get on the bus….classic.  Thought we all needed just a little smile.

We had a son who was being bullied in 10th grade.  It went on for a while.  We talked about it.  Sometimes he came home in tears.  I finally told him he would have to take the risk and stand up to the other guy.  He did.  There was a scuffle sort of fight.  Nobody really won or got hurt.  Later they became good friends.  Our son is now 35 and turned out to be a fine Christian family man.

I read stuff like this and wonder how people can view humanity as inately good.  What we see in children is the typical “might makes right” society.  To me this is just another example of the broken nature of mankind.  For some people, they wonder what institutions are causing this type of behavior in children?  Is the root cause, within us or outside of us?  Could it be that it is human nature?  Could it be that we need a Savior, to rescue us from ourselves?  I don’t think the MDG’s will fix this particular issue.  Only Jesus can help heal broken humanity.
Jeff

I may have missed something, but I can’t find out why he is bullied. Was it simply because he is weak - or looks week? Why hasn’t anyone taught him how to fight back - or, simply, how to fight. Bullies succeed only because their victims take the punishment and do nothing. I was bullied in high school and did nothing because my parents taught me that fighting was bad and was forbidden, but earlier, I was never bullied because I learned how to fight, how to take a punch and give better than I got.  In short, my parents were dead wrong. Guys are supposed to fight; this is normal and should be expected. Mother Nature tests all young men this way, and to teach young men not to fight is to leave them as passive victims for those who like to fight risk free. Bullies exist because their punching bags let them exist. Unless there is something peculiar about this boy, his parents need to send him to karate class and to give him a police night stick to carry with him and the knowledge how to use it.
    The bullying thing is one more debility men have to live with in Mummy society. Learn to fight is a necessary rule and a good one.
His parents need their heads whacked so that their kid doesn’t have the same problem.  Larry

I’m not at all opposed to self-defense.  But NO-ONE should be assaulted simply for existing.  And what these bullies are doing is assault.  It is a crime.  And it should be dealt with as such by parents, by schools, and by the authorities if necessary.

The weight of dealing with bullying should not be placed on the victims.

Not a very Christian answer, Larry.

Reading this made me want to cry.  My son was bullied throughout elementary and middle school, despite the best efforts of the school’s teachers, administrators, and bullies’ parents to stop it.  He became depressed but fortunately, through counselling and graduation, he overcame it.  Even though the principal gave him permission to fight back (something we had urged him to do - and we sent him to karate classes), he refused to do so because he was so much bigger (taller) than the bullies.  It was truly horrible.

TrdentineVirginian, better not tell Jesus he shouldn’t have turned over those tables in the temple.  There is such a thing a justly defending yourself, and the sooner a young man learns to stand his ground when necessary the better.  Sorry, but I think this is all part of growing up.  This particular case was wrong, as they let it go on too long.  Now this poor kid is proabably going to suffer for who knows how long.  The parents should have nipped this in the bud way before this.

Daniel,

My dad enrolled me in judo classes, too (now I wish it would have been tai-kwon-do instead, but what did we know of Martial Arts in the 60’s-70’s, except for Bruce Lee movies?) through the YMCA. 

The first time I tried to use it, I was held down by three other bullies while the one whose blows I tried to “deflect” then proceeded to give me an even bigger beating.  That ended both the classes and my attempts to fight back.

As they showed in Kung Fu: The legend continues, when numbers are against you, you get beaten, no matter how skilled you are. and who knows better than the grandson of Caine?

Peace
Jim Elliott <><

When discussing human nature I remember the old missive,“Civilization is just one generation from being overrun by barbarians…”. 

Lib Jim, You did what the weak always do. You gave in, and that signaled the bullies you were dead meat. Of course you’re going to get nailed when you fight back if you haven’t done so before. Tae Kwan Do would have worked better for you, to be sure, but I suspect you never gave you skill level a chance to meet the threat. That’s why you carry a night stick, preferably lead loaded.

    BUt the heart of the matter is psychological. The karate leaders always tell you that the spirit is first, then t echnique. YOu have to go into the fight willing to fight, and when you get pounded, you tell the bullies,  the next time will be different. You need to break a few bones and remove some teeth; they will get the message. Are you goin got lose some teeth in the process. Probably, but that the price you pay for letting the thugs get the upper hand in the beginning.
  Fathers need to teach their sons, not just how to fight, but how to be ready to fight, how to take a hit and give a worse one in return. I find that playing football is a good training ground for young men.
  See #34. This is what the Mummy society looks like. Christian? No, spineless.  Peace,Jim? No, war. If you won’t take care of yourself, you can’t expert Mummy to do it for you. Do you really want to stand still while the lions eat you? See 38: The barbarians overrun because they haven’t lost the will to fight. You have your choice: Would you rather be a dead wolf or a dead sheep?
  Everything I have seen about this affair suggests to me that the PARENTS aren’t ready and willing to go to the barricades. When the meek inherit the earth, the race will have lost its will to live. All life requires aggressiveness to survive; even the amoeba has to find its food, surround it and digest it. We demand self-restraint to keep our evolutionary aggressiveness on a leash because we know that cooperation is more productive for social cohesion.  What we shouldn’t do is extirpate our aggressiveness because it is EVIL, baddidy-bad-bad-bad. Make nice, Mummy says. NO, when the bullies or whatever sort arrive, you make sure you make them pay big time.
Larry

“Lib Jim, You did what the weak always do. You gave in, and that signaled the bullies you were dead meat”
—-Larry Morse [#39]

Larry: This is no way for a Christian to speak to anyone, including a fine Christian brother like Jim Elliott. Christ came for the meek and humble, not the strong and proud. Critics of Christianity have scorned it from its earliest days as a religion of weakness for the weak. So said Julian the Apostate. So said Edward Gibbon in his Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. So said Nietzsche. So said Hitler.

God knows better: “For God’s foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.” 1 Cor. 1:25.

In any event, you have no business blaming the victim.

(Nor should your “Lib Jim” epithet, implying that Jim’s youthful response to bully somehow makes him a political liberal, go unchallenged.”)

You owe Jim an apology. I’m sure you’re big enough to give it and I pray that you will.

#36
Wha…? I suppose your next biblical lesson will be the lecture the Good Samaritan gave to the man waylaid by the robbers on how he needed to be better able to defend himself?
#39
Spare the internet tough guy act. Yes, kids shouldn’t be little wussies, but whatever the kid’s physical courage, that doesn’t qualify his right to justice and humane treatment. Besides, please note from the article, this kid is way outnumbered and has been subject to this for years. This isn’t normal and part of growing up.

And all this crap you spew about aggressiveness and will to live - “when the meek inherit the earth, the race will have lost its will to live” - let me paraphrase CharlesB, “Better not tell Jesus He shouldn’t have delivered the Sermon on the Mount.” I think the Lord is of different mind about the matter of the meek inheriting the earth. What have we come to when a person subjected to constant torment and physical abuse can’t find sympathy from a Christian? You have nothing but contempt for him.

Aside from the religious questions here, the tough talk itself is a load of BS. This isn’t the result of “Mummy culture” - this is the result of too many kids grown wild without parental oversight and control. The boys doing this aren’t being raised to be men as we understand men should be - who should use their strength to protect the weak and meek, not torment them. 

As for the rest of your Nietzschean screed, I think it ridicules itself, so no need to spill any more electrons on that.

Lighten up, Folks.

I guess I’m surprised at the hard edge of some of the responses.  But then again, being bullied is an experience that sears you for a lifetime.

Personally, when the “beautiful people” decided to dump on me, I found figuring out how to respond one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make as a Christian, and that as a newly baptised one (I wasn’t baptised until fifth grade, and then by Robert Appleyard, later Bishop of Pittsburgh.)  To balance the demands of the Sermon on the Mount and the perceived need for self-defence isn’t easy for anyone, and I had little help from human sources as well.

It taught me to have less confidence in people and more in God, who brought me through the whole mess.

As far as practical ideas, I’m inclined to think that martial arts training is a good idea, especially if it’s under a Christian instructor (and there are many.)  Any responsible martial arts instructor, however, will teach his or her students to use their skills in a responsible manner, and that’s the key to success, just as it is in the military and law enforcement fields.

#41: the “mummy culture” is in part the problem because too many boys are growing up without fathers in the home, and responsible behaviour is best (but certainly not exclusively) taught boys by their fathers.  Your comment about the general absence of parental control is correct; growing up with so many people who were “raised by the help” wasn’t a pleasant experience, and sad to say this trend has spread in various ways throughout our society.

Irenaeus adn TriVir,

Thank you for your support. 

Larry, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were hiding a bully nature yourself, since you are so quick to pick on someone else (and judge! what happened to we can’t judge anyone else?).

“Mummy Society”?  I didn’t think I grew up in Egypt, but Cairo wasn’t too far away, but I thought that was in Illinois!  As to that, I have both parents still living, still together, as they were then.  I can’t speak for the bullies, however, who travelled in a ‘pack’ then, so they may not have had a good home environment, but still is no excuse for such behavior. As I recall, the phrase “Boys will be boys” is more often than not spoken by the FATHER to excuse the son’s behavior.  Plus one of my few friends in that area was being raised by a single mom. He certainly wasn’t one of the bullies.

Like the boy in the story, we never did find out WHY I was a target.

I knew right from wrong even then, and returning evil for evil was (and is) wrong in my eyes.

Peace
Jim Elliott <><

a bibliography of books (fiction and non-fiction)  on bulling:

Thick-skinned, Thin-skinned, The Skin I’m In: Books about Bullying, Teasing, Relational Aggression and School Violence
Compiled by Tessa Michaelson
Copyright © 2008 Cooperative Children’s Book Center

I have called him lLib Jim before. It is just shorthand, not insult.  And I might add that I have agreed with him often. Jim: If I have insulted you, I am sorry, but this doesn’t change my judgment: When you give up fighting back, you invited worse trouble than you started with. I was a teacher in public school for a long time, and I have seen this again and again. The bullies look for weakness, and when they find it, they test it, and when the victim collapses, they increase their aggressiveness.

  Now you can do the “Christian” thing and say, “They know not what they do” and all that. But they do know what they do and those who won’t stand up to them are only encouraging them to expand the scope of their successes. Am I blaming the victim? Y ou bet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the bullies to get what they deserve. Of course they run in packs. This is safe and productive; this is what the spirit of cooperation is all about.
  Am I a bully too? Cheap shot John, but t hat’s ok if you think I deserve it. What I DO have is an unwillingness to let the hoods win the Loving Cup and this doesn’t take Christian charity, it takes a willing to step into a fight and draw blood.

  This boy needs to learn how to draw blood.  I am not suggest ing t hat he go looking for a fight , but when it comes to him,          he needs to be ready, and if they come in packs,  a leaded nightstick is a good instructor and levels the playing field. A knife is useful but it takes too much skill for him to learn to use it productively. And I guarantee you, he ‘s not the only kid in this place who is being bullied, so he needs to go to the others and make his own pack.
  What will become of this boy if he is left a punching bag? Will he grow up boiling with resentment, and will he one day get a gun and go to the University of Comfortabilities in Virginia and shoot a bunch of people, or will he just commit suicide because his reputation, now country wide, thanks to a villainous newspaper and carrion eater for a reporter, will follow him forever, no matter where he goes?

  But I still say that the problem lies with his parents, and with his father in particular.

  #41. You are dead wrong. Yes it is normal and it is part of growing up. We have simply forgotten that and have forgotten that boys are naturally made to fight, that this is how they test their manhood, and it is a sound test. Yes, this is what the Mommy Society has done; it has castrated young males because GIRLS never fight like that so boys are trained to act like girls. Indeed, you learn to fight well when you’re young so you don’t have to fight later on. There are worse things in this life than black eyes and lost teeth.
  This kid has my profoundest sympathies, but he needs a man somewhere to help him out and it doesn’t look like he going to get it.
    Tell me, LJ, what do you think of the newspaper report? Was it well done?  Finally, John, standing up for yourself isn’t returning evil for evil, it is defeating it, at what ever price because in real life, the Dalai Lama isn’t going to do Tibet any good. Freedom is bought with blood and that is true of this kid and Tibet as well. China is simply the bully who got away with it again and again.  Larry

Larry,
actually, I think the report WAS done well, and accurately captured the situation and the feeling of helplessness of the bullied and the parents.

I still don’t think fighting back is always the answer, it will NOT always make things better, often it causes an escalation of the violence (I mean, the kid found a note with the names of 20 others willing to join in! Not to mention the facebook page).  No, in this case, legal action IS the best recourse. 

I can’t remember WHY the police didn’t do anything in my case, it was too long ago, but I do remember them saying there wasn’t anything they could do.  And I don’t think I’m going to ask mom about it, either.  She has often said she feels bad enough about the situation, and wishes we could have afforded Catholic School.

By the way, I don’t mind “LibJim”.  I’ve used shorthand often enough for names (e.g., TriVirg for TridentineVirginian) especially when they are long user names. and it helps to distinguish between different “Jim"s should more than one be posting in a thread.

Peace
Jim Elliott <><

P.S.
What will become of this boy if he is left a punching bag? Will he grow up boiling with resentment, and will he one day get a gun and go to the University of Comfortabilities in Virginia and shoot a bunch of people, or will he just commit suicide because his reputation, now country wide, thanks to a villainous newspaper and carrion eater for a reporter, will follow him forever, no matter where he goes?

I’m almost 50, and that hasn’t happened to me, nor is it likely to.

JE

Oh, and I have to fess up, it wasn’t “John” who made those comments to which you are refering. ‘twas I.  But the part about your being a bully was accompanied by a   to show I wasn’t being serious.

The rest was.

Peace
Jim (not John)

“Yes it is normal and it is part of growing up. We have simply forgotten that and have forgotten that boys are naturally made to fight, that this is how they test their manhood, and it is a sound test”—-Larry Morse [#46]

Larry: If you changed “fight” to “have sex,” wouldn’t the statement be equally true as applied to 17-year-old boys?

If you asked those boys which urge they felt more strongly, you know what the answer would be.

1.  Fighting The “Gang Mentality”

I bet the bullies that actually fight with Billy are actually being manipulated by their friends. This is how it works: the ring leader decides to demonstrate his power by manipulating his or her minions to harass a seemingly vulnerable student. The ring leader says “so-and so is x, y and Z”. If you minions want to be in my click you must punish so an so. Off the minions go to execute their masters bidding. Of course, the master (alpha male or female) does not use such direct language - his or her instructions are subtle, but well understood. Often the ring leader avoids punishment because they are smart enough to avoid direct involvement. Instead they sit back and enjoy the show - manipulating their simple minded minions and indirectly bulling those that they cannot affectively control.
Please do not encourage the victim to fight. The result can easily be devastating. Encourage the victim to use the law. Fights can go bad wrong. Lost teeth, death fro traumatic head injury, choking deaths, eye damage. The victim may not be willing to lose and may choke, stab, shoot, hit with object ect…. the aggressor may be really mean - and or stupid- he could do any of the above. Often the aggressor is just some manipulated person that the real bully is using as a proxy
My fights didn’t end to bad - A good undercut cracked my molar - and the magnetic CB antenna base plate I was holding severely injured and attacker - he came close to death. He was a good person manipulated by rotten idiots - what if I killed him?? I like my teeth and would have liked to skip the gold crown. My hands are still scared from the teeth and bone of the many attackers I have been forced to fight. And yes, I have run from many fights also. I am proud to say I have never fought some who did not first attack me. I have learned through the years and I am now better able to stay away from dangerous people. Being out of school helps because it is hard to stay away from them when you are in the same school.
Martial arts are great, but you don’t have to study them long to figure out how to kill someone - man it’s strange but 8 out of 10 fights I have been in were with some dummy that didn’t even realize he was fighting for someone else. Do you really want to kill someone like this? I don’t want to spend 20 years in jail or hurt someone. You don’t want your son or daughter going to reform school - I hear the fighting there is worse. And, they will likely meet some bad apples.
The school system needs to be trained to circumvent the sub grouping that is taking place at this undisciplined school. The school is obviously slandering the victim. Blame the victim - is the best tactic to use - it’s great when you can convince your parents and teachers that your violent behavior is ok. And guess what - allot of the uninvolved students concur that Billy is the problem. But, the truth is - they may actually be the behind the scene manipulator. Some of the students are saying “ I just avoid Bill”. That’s great so half the kids are physically and verbally torturing Billy and the other half are isolating him socially. May as well shot him in the head. Look Dummies be nice to Billy show him by example how to act. Help him make friends. Show some compassion.
There is this great saying in this old book I looked in once. Goes something like “ Treat others as you would like to be treated” – I find when I am able to do this I sleep better. I’m not real good at it, but I am going to try to do better.