I was asked to submit my name to this search, and was politely told to beat it. If anyone wants to read my responses to these same questions, e-mail me privately.

You’d have made one too many males on the ballot. They’re obviously trying to predetermine the outcome in a certain way.

I am thankful that the LC-MS has male only clergy. Women do not belong in the office of pastor or priest.

OK, well, we’ve got the guy with the goatee, and while he doesn’t fill out the “shaved head” guy slot, he show promise of going bald. We also have the “good-looking guy” slot filled. We’re missing the “person of color” entry, though the “woman of indeterminate gender” entry (who apparently has to sub for the declared Lesbian—apparently they aren’t advanced enough for that entry) also covers the “Hispanic origin” slot. And we haven’t got the proper “woman with patrician hairdo” entry, so we have to settle for the optional “private school chaplain” entry as a substitute, who gets points for an outburst of Spanish (does Va. actually have any Hispanic congregations?).

More seriously, can’t we get some better questions, like, for starters: “What’s your position on litigation?” and “Do you cross your fingers during the Creed, and if so, where?”