Terry Mattingly: Youth ministers struggle to be candid about life’s struggles

Posted by Kendall Harmon

It's the question that preachers, teachers and parents dread, especially if they were shaped by the cultural earthquakes of the 1960s.

But no one fears it more than youth ministers, who hear the private questions that young people fear to ask their elders. Youth pastors work in the no man's land between the home and the church.

This is the question: "Well, didn't you do any of this stuff when you were a kid?" The young person may be asking about sex, drinking, drugs, cheating or, perhaps, lying to parents about any of the above.

If youth ministers stop and think about it, they will realize that they usually say something like the following while trying to answer these questions, said the Rev. David "Duffy" Robbins, a United Methodist who teaches youth ministry at Eastern University near Philadelphia.

"If I answer that it's none of your business and the answer is between me and God, there's a pretty good chance you'll hear that as a 'yes,' " said Robbins, writing in Good News magazine. "If I answer 'yes' to your question, there's a pretty good chance that you'll take that as permission to make the same mistakes that I've made. If, on the other hand, I say 'no,' there's a good possibility that you might reason that then I couldn't possibly understand what you're facing or what you're going through right now.

Read it all.

Filed under: * Christian Life / Church Life • Parish Ministry • * Culture-Watch • Teens / Youth

3 Comments
Posted July 29, 2007 at 6:12 am [Printer Friendly] [Print w/ comments]



1. Irenaeus wrote:

That is a great answer, particularly for a youth minister dealing with scores of young people.

But I’m curious what others think: Should we be more forthcoming when dealing with our own teenage children, nieces, and nephews?

July 29, 10:01 am | [comment link]
2. DonGander wrote:

“Well, didn’t you do any of this stuff when you were a kid?”

I question if this question is germaine. If we grovel in that kind of exhibitionism the focus is on us. What difference does it make which sins I have struggled with and which ones I didn’t struggle with? With the focus upon God the only question is, “Does God want me to do such?” It makes no difference if the whole rest of the world does or doesn’t do a thing, it only matters what God has revealed his will on the matter to be.

After being in charge of several youth programs and ministries I now question whether the whole idea of “youth ministries” is a valid ministry at all. The whole idea seems to be to extend childishness into an adult situation. I am now much more in favor of seeing young men active with the other men of the Church and the young women active with the other women of the Church. It gives a lot of respect to the youth and puts their adult temptations in adult settings where they belong. After seeing “youth ministries” and youth being ministered to along with the adults, I find a striking and significant benefit to keeping the youth with the adults.

DonGander

July 29, 12:50 pm | [comment link]
3. Larry Morse wrote:

An excellent reply Don.  A lot of kids don’t really WANT the truth; they are merely testing what they can get away with by pressuring adults. The “youth ministry” business has become one more step in the downward leveling of American society, the tendency to suppose that truth is the lowerst common denominator. LM

July 29, 1:11 pm | [comment link]
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