(NY Times Fashion and Style) The End of Courtship?

Posted by Kendall Harmon

Maybe it was because they had met on OkCupid. But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one.

“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”

Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”

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Filed under: * Culture-Watch • Blogging & the Internet • --Social Networking • History • Marriage & Family • Men • Psychology • Science & Technology • Women • Young Adults

3 Comments
Posted January 23, 2013 at 11:18 am [Printer Friendly] [Print w/ comments]



1. BlueOntario wrote:

Do parents really raise their children anymore or do they just learn boorish behavior in a “Lord of the Flies” style of social interaction with their peers? My other thought is: there was once a movie made about building a wall around NYC…

January 23, 5:12 pm | [comment link]
2. Teatime2 wrote:

#1—You raise your children well but once they are adults, they make their own choices. The universities make that quite clear when you take them for orientation. Oh, you’ll hear from the uni if there are outstanding balances that need to be paid but you aren’t legally entitled to know about their grades or anything else because they are adults. That was the beginning of my kid making some really poor choices and lying to me when I asked questions because he knew the uni wouldn’t divulge anything.

This generation is FAR more heavily influenced by social culture and their peer group because they can interact with them every second of every day, thanks to technology. They walk around staring at their devices and only know it’s a nice day because an app told them it is. Very, very sad. Annoying, too.

January 23, 7:17 pm | [comment link]
3. Sarah1 wrote:

Actually, Ms. Silver was right in declining.  She had a certain expectation and he did not meet it—further disappointment was sure to follow.  That is . . . if she is desiring courtship and then the natural *end* of courtship which is marriage.  Of course, if she desired comfortable “hanging out” with buddies, then of course, she should have said “sure”—and brought her own friends.

There are a lot of guys [and women too] who are so nervous and anxious and desperate to be cool and non-committal that it’s just too much for them to have anything other than “casual getting together” with one’s buddies as a support group so that they can have a back-out option in case the date doesn’t “work out.”

The other option is that she misread his interest and that he really just wanted to “hang out with friends” and she could come along. 

But either way, “he wasn’t worthy of you, daughter.”  ; > )

January 23, 10:02 pm | [comment link]
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