From the Do Not Take Yourself too Seriously Department—Garrison Keillor Explains what a Cat is

Posted by Kendall Harmon

A cat is an animal intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

--Garrison Keillor, Reader's Digest, April 2013 edition, page 117

Filed under: * General InterestHumor / Trivia

8 Comments
Posted March 25, 2013 at 11:10 am [Printer Friendly] [Print w/ comments]



1. Ad Orientem wrote:

In my experience cats all have an hereditary memory that they were worshiped as gods in ancient Egypt. And they continue to expect the same treatment today.

March 25, 4:44 pm | [comment link]
2. sophy0075 wrote:

Whoa. Wait a minute. Teaching us that we should not take ourselves too seriously *is* a purpose.

March 25, 7:14 pm | [comment link]
3. Capt. Father Warren wrote:

I recall the old saying about the difference between cats and dogs: dogs have owners and cats have help.

March 26, 8:49 am | [comment link]
4. Jim the Puritan wrote:

Cats are here to remind us that we are not the highest form of life in the animal kingdom.

March 26, 3:07 pm | [comment link]
5. Robert Atkins wrote:

I have two comments.

One: My initial reading of Garrison’s quote was much in agreement with Jim’s.

Two: Having grown up with cats but having only recently been acquired by a dog, I would say that cats make it clear that they can do without the help, whereas dogs make it clear that they have no intention of doing so.

March 27, 1:07 am | [comment link]
6. montanan wrote:

An old joke goes:
A dog thinks of his human, “You feed me, you scratch me, you love me, you shelter me - you must be god”, while a cat thinks of his human, “You feed me, you scratch me, you love me, you shelter me - I must be god.”

And then there is this:
dogs and cats.

March 27, 1:55 am | [comment link]
7. Robert Atkins wrote:

Montana, I’m not sure what they hear, but it seems to me that what the dog thinks is “OK, let’s get this straight.  If I come when you call me, I’ll get a treat?  Wow, that’s easy!  Bring it on!”  Whereas the cat says “You want me to WHAT?  Dream on!  I’ll go get my own mouse”.

In consequence of which the dog gets to sleep on the bed at night, while the cat gets a night out on the tiles.

Who’s to say who has the better life?

March 27, 2:29 am | [comment link]
8. beyondfedup wrote:

My personal favorite:
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture…Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this On their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

-Author Unknown

March 27, 9:17 am | [comment link]
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